We hang out in groups, go out in groups. Saturday nights are no longer reserved for dating, but for friends upon friends upon friends. Within these massive groups of friends there are bound to be a few cases of sexual tension, but where do they go from there? Because dating has become such a casual sport, I find myself having trouble differentiating between a close guy friend and a real, live date. The two are so strikingly similar. What makes them different? The right glance? A brush of his hand on your shoulder? Him fronting the bill?
Lately, I've been finding myself in just those predicaments. I'll meet a boy through friends and we'll hit it off in a very natural way. We'll talk, we'll laugh... and a few drinks later maybe even flirt. But isn't that what I do with my guy friends anyway? So when it finally comes time for dinner or drinks, when its just the two of us... I'll stare at him and suddenly my mind drifts, and I begin to wonder: Is this a date?
Then there is the most dreaded of all situations: When you realize all-too-late that it is in fact a date! When your casual dinner plans for the evening takes the unfortunate turn of becoming a date, and you feel helplessly incapable of rectifying the bind you're in. You're half-way through dinner and suddenly a chill breeze of uncomfortablility envelops your body and you become stiff, a little panicked and just downright awkward. The pleasant conversation you were enjoying holds second place to the scattered thoughts racing through your head. Should I tell him I'm not interested? Wait, am I interested? Maybe... nono. I'm definitely not! Okay, so maybe if I act cold and distant it will turn into a friend date. Yes, that's what I'll do!
The rest of the night is a blur of anxiety, starring at the clock and hopelessly waiting to dodge the good-night kiss, run home, collapse on your couch, and sit in a daze of bewilderment, wondering how and when you missed the signs of this being a date. If this has happened to you, you're not alone. But worth mentioning is that I recently spoke to one of my guy friends, who admitted to me even he has trouble decoding his evenings out with girls, not knowing if they think its a date! And, for that, I blame all the boys who make it so impossible to infer what the hell it is you want.
So, as painful as this is to admit, I'm a little grateful to all the Israeli men I've met who are outlandishly straightforward when it comes to dating. I have yet to meet a Tel Avivian boy who hasn't asked me out in an easy-to-follow three step process. 1) Stare at you intensely from across the room for about half an hour. 2) Declare he thinks you are cute and you must go out for coffee. 3) Get your number and call you within the next hour or so to make sure you know how excited he is about your date. While a tad creepy and a bit smothering, their honesty is aggravatingly refreshing. So, to all those Israeli men who I laugh at mercilessly, I have to tip my hat off to you for having neither the patience nor the tact to disguise your feelings.
I've successfully resisted the Israeli charm for the past five months, but perhaps opening that Pandora's Box will solve my problems. Oh, to consciously go on a date. It sounds wonderful. But then again, what's the fun in that? Where is the mystery and excitement I desperately crave when I first meet a boy I like. I don't think any amount of Israeli bluntness can satisfy that hunger. So, here's to hoping one of my psuedo-dates unfolds into something real.
Happy hunting to me and all those who empathize with me.
-the gossip-
"baby, why you not want to go for coffee? i think you are sooo nice. ok take my number. no, its ok, take it. call me if you want coffee or somsing. i like your shoes."
ReplyDeleteI propose a universal and standardized system of codes and phrases which can be used to simplify and clarify this process, a la the National Institute of Standards and Technologies (www.nist.gov. Check out the FAQ section for Fun Facts!). Anyway here's what I have in mind:
ReplyDeleteTo tell someone its not a date:
-This place is nice someday I'd like to take (be taken on) a date here.
-Can I ask you some advice about a girl (guy) I like?
-You smell like cheese/socks/motor oil.
To tell someone it is a date:
-Your beauty is worth ten thousand camels.
-Can I call my mom? She'll be soo happy to know I'm on a date.
-How do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled, boiled or fertilized? Giggity giggity.
Love it Mirelle :)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to share an anecdote from the last time I realized I was on a date that I didn't wanna be on.
I had been on one date with this guy - he was 'nice'. Good conversations, no physical attraction. After that, he went on a 10-day-businesstrip. The day he came back he called me right away (yes it was an Israeli). So we met up - I thought for an innocent beer.
But then he had brought me all these presents from his trip! And I was just like, oh. No. When can I leave? Talking about awkward.
But see you tonight in my favourite bar. Let's see how many free chasers we can score ;)