Reader beware, context is important.

It’s that time of year again, when Jews worldwide will soon sit down and eat cardboard flavoured matza, bitter herbs and of course, lots of rice but only if your forefathers were clever enough to figure out how to separate the wheat and rice grains in the market. Or of course gefilta fish if your forefathers were clever enough to figure out the worst possible way to eat a fish.

But this post is not about the spirit of Pesach that fills us over seven glorious bread free days.

On Wednesday our Overseas Program office ran a blood drive for students. A good deal of these students are not Jewish so the timing of this makes it just that little bit awkward given the fact that we are just a week or so away from Pesach.

Did I hear anyone say blood libel?

-the cynic-

Wearing My Grandma's Party Dress

Reading the two previous posts makes me truly appreciate my civil status. When you're in a relationship and never have to think about the art of dating, you tend to forget the downsides of being single. So thank you guys for making me see my relationship in a new light. It's been refreshing!

As interesting as this “Sex&the City”- way of blogging might be, I think it is time for a new topic. While other people exert themselves figuring out the secrets of dating, I have been working my fingers to the bone trying to put together a decent piece of work for last semester's term paper. Why is it that when I have some four months to write a paper, I never get started for real until the deadline is so close I can literally smell it? Is it at all possible for me to get a paper done without its due date breathing down my neck?

As a language major it hurts me to admit that writing academic papers isn't one of my strong sides. Yes I do enjoy writing, and yes they do teach academic writing at the igloo university of Oslo, still I must say I do not feel quite confident about the whole thing. What is considered common knowledge? When is footnoting necessary? Is it possible to over-footnote a paper? What is worse, over-footnoting or under-footnoting? Is footnoting even a word? If not, can I take credit for it and call it my own? Or will I be accused of plagiarism? All these questions are keeping me from freely composing a single sentence. And then, of course, there is the language barrier.

As you know by now, I am scared witless at the mere thought of having to express myself in English writing. As weird as this may sound, coming from a language major and all; foreign languages make me feel downright awkward. I loathe situations where I come across expressions like “a knockoff” and, confusing it with “knockout”, take it to mean something positive. It is amazing how this keeps happening to me still, after 17 years of learning English. I can't even get the spoken jargon right, so just imagine my encounter with academic English.

When writing academic English, I get the same feeling I used to get when I was 5 and got dressed up wearing my grandma's party dress. It kinda makes me feel grown up, it's sort of exciting, still something about it just doesn't fit.

In my despair I emailed my professor and asked him: how do I know when something is considered common knowledge? He emailed me back and said: good question, and as ever with good questions, what is the answer?

- The... Norwegian -

You only hide, because you know I'll find you...

I do sympathise with the gossiper’s ill fated adventures on the much maligned Israeli dating scene. While I do hold Israeli citizenship, I apparently must’ve missed that memo of Israeli behaviour.

That shouldn’t detach from the fact that buying flowers and asking a girl out doesn’t quite cut it anymore, for girls there is that ever elusive chase for a guy that will be creative when declaring his (sometimes over) admiration for you.

Even serenading her with a song you wrote on your guitar (something I’m sure Davide will do soon) is no sure bet that she won’t be put off. The ‘dating scene’ is heavily stacked in the female’s favour much to the dismay of us males.

It is perhaps because of these high standards that have been set in our generation that only those types that are creepy (and not in the Johnny

Depp kind of way) will approach the ladies with their fine pick up lines that mostly include some combination of the words ‘cute’ ‘number’ ‘coffee’ ‘no’ and ‘pressure’... I’m sure thanks to Anchorman, that list has been extended to include ‘I wanna be on you.’

I would hazard to guess that if the situation was reversed and it was the girl saying these things, the guy would want to have that moment framed to show all his guy friends what a champion he is by getting a girl’s number just by lazily sitting drinking coffee.

It is these high standards that have surreptitiously cast all the good intentioned guys only wishing to make that lasting connection with someone they deem worthy. Where before the creeps would be filtered out by these ‘good guys’, now they are the only ones that play the field.

Meeting a boy through friends in dangerous territory, you run the fine line between becoming friends which we all know is the bringer of death to any chances such a boy has in ever wanting something more in all but the rarest occasions.

So how can we negotiate these slippery slopes? Will flowers help now?

The answer to the latter is: yes, provided you are able to answer the former.

As someone who’s name conveniently eludes me once said to me, for men the key is confidence and not becoming too good friends so as to not blur the boundaries. Sound advice, but hard to implement.

I think what this person meant is that we should release our past burdens which anchor us to the shore when trying to set sail to another unknown destination. While we can draw from it, all too easily can we get bogged down in the one you never said anything to because you were too scared, you deemed yourself unworthy or they went overseas with no knowledge of your feelings.

All of these are immaterial and whatever the case may be, I believe that if we carried all our baggage with us, we would never make it to that unknown destination – we would just be stuck at port watching all the other ships take to the sea and disappear off into the horizon.

-the cynic-

On Psuedo-Dating:The Art of Dating Without Knowing it

Some say wisdom advances with age, yet I have discovered the opposite is true when it comes to dating. When we were young it was simple. A boy buys you flowers. He asks you out, holds your hand, and voila! You're dating. Unfortunately, at 25, I have found the dating scene to be overwhelming, confusing, and sometimes just outright disconcerting.

We hang out in groups, go out in groups. Saturday nights are no longer reserved for dating, but for friends upon friends upon friends. Within these massive groups of friends there are bound to be a few cases of sexual tension, but where do they go from there? Because dating has become such a casual sport, I find myself having trouble differentiating between a close guy friend and a real, live date. The two are so strikingly similar. What makes them different? The right glance? A brush of his hand on your shoulder? Him fronting the bill?

Lately, I've been finding myself in just those predicaments. I'll meet a boy through friends and we'll hit it off in a very natural way. We'll talk, we'll laugh... and a few drinks later maybe even flirt. But isn't that what I do with my guy friends anyway? So when it finally comes time for dinner or drinks, when its just the two of us... I'll stare at him and suddenly my mind drifts, and I begin to wonder: Is this a date?

Then there is the most dreaded of all situations: When you realize all-too-late that it is in fact a date! When your casual dinner plans for the evening takes the unfortunate turn of becoming a date, and you feel helplessly incapable of rectifying the bind you're in. You're half-way through dinner and suddenly a chill breeze of uncomfortablility envelops your body and you become stiff, a little panicked and just downright awkward. The pleasant conversation you were enjoying holds second place to the scattered thoughts racing through your head. Should I tell him I'm not interested? Wait, am I interested? Maybe... nono. I'm definitely not! Okay, so maybe if I act cold and distant it will turn into a friend date. Yes, that's what I'll do!

The rest of the night is a blur of anxiety, starring at the clock and hopelessly waiting to dodge the good-night kiss, run home, collapse on your couch, and sit in a daze of bewilderment, wondering how and when you missed the signs of this being a date. If this has happened to you, you're not alone. But worth mentioning is that I recently spoke to one of my guy friends, who admitted to me even he has trouble decoding his evenings out with girls, not knowing if they think its a date! And, for that, I blame all the boys who make it so impossible to infer what the hell it is you want. 

So, as painful as this is to admit, I'm a little grateful to all the Israeli men I've met who are outlandishly straightforward when it comes to dating. I have yet to meet a Tel Avivian boy who hasn't asked me out in an easy-to-follow three step process. 1) Stare at you intensely from across the room for about half an hour. 2) Declare he thinks you are cute and you must go out for coffee. 3) Get your number and call you within the next hour or so to make sure you know how excited he is about your date. While a tad creepy and a bit smothering, their honesty is aggravatingly refreshing. So, to all those Israeli men who I laugh at mercilessly, I have to tip my hat off to you for having neither the patience nor the tact to disguise your feelings.

I've successfully resisted the Israeli charm for the past five months, but perhaps opening that Pandora's Box will solve my problems. Oh, to consciously go on a date. It sounds wonderful. But then again, what's the fun in that? Where is the mystery and excitement I desperately crave when I first meet a boy I like. I don't think any amount of Israeli bluntness can satisfy that hunger. So, here's to hoping one of my psuedo-dates unfolds into something real. 

Happy hunting to me and all those who empathize with me. 

-the gossip-

Igloos and Polar Bears

Now that it has become evident which one of us is the cynic, I guess it is time for me to prostrate my norwegian-ness all over this site. I agreed to take part in this blog solely in order to prove to my good Moroccan/Canadian friend that I have in me the ability to express myself in English, however I have to admit that this whole blogging-in-English business has proved to be quite a nerve wrecking experience so far. What if the English version of Mie-on-the-web turns out to be such a flop that people will surf away from the site after reading no more than the headline of my post? What if my posts will be the only ones with no comments? What if my language skills prove to be of such second-rate standards that even my English will be labeled Snorkendorken from now on? Nevertheless, as the saying goes in Norwegian: nobody has ever captured a polar bear without leaving his igloo. Okay that is not really a Norwegian saying, but I assume my point is taken. I am hereby stepping out of my igloo.

As the single representative from the Kingdom of Norway in Tel Aviv University's international graduate program, I feel obligated to educate my fellow classmates (and the readers of this blog) on life in Norway as we know it. I am sure that deep inside all you non-Norwegians know that we do not live in igloos or have polar bears roaming around in our neighborhoods, still this is a question I think most Norwegians hear when they travel abroad.* To your guaranteed disappointment I will also inform you that not all Norwegians are tall, blond, blue-eyed and beautiful, though most of us are, of course. To you people who think Norway is the capital of Sweden, i have nothing to say.

Although we claim to be living our lives like people of any other average country, there are certain things we do have to struggle with which I have learned one can escape only by moving to Israel. First there is the crisp, refreshing air that fills the house on any summer day and makes the air condition redundant. Then there is the abundance of parking lots which makes having a car easy and enjoyable, and then there is the non-chlorine-tasting tap water. All of the above are things I haven't had to deal with in Israel so far, and you can all imagine my jubilation. I will admit, though, that what I really do not miss, is to be met by this every morning:

There are no limits to what we Norwegians have to put up with. After reading my draft for this post, my Israeli boyfriend of nearly 3 years turned to me with a puzzled look on his face and said: you don't have polar bears in Norway?

Israeli media (not the IDF) guilty of shooting first and asking questions later

Maybe certain members of the Israeli media establishment are trying to get back at the IDF for not letting them cover the recent Operation: Cast Lead in Gaza. Or maybe they are angry at how the Gilad Schalit saga has now surpassed its 1000th day.

Whatever the hidden reason may be, it does not negate the fact that by releasing ‘witness’ accounts in a special Haaretz ‘expose’ they displayed gross journalistic incompetence usually reserved for the likes of tabloid newspapers and Israel bashing professionals.

I say ‘witness’ and ‘expose’ because you have to sift through the rhetoric and emotive language to understand that this was part of a group therapy session for front line soldiers who took part in Cast Lead. Furthermore, this ‘expose’ presupposes that the IDF are trying to hide information or mislead the public with regards to the tactics used during Cast Lead and is also a sign of its tabloid nature. Israeli journalists have a close working relationship with the IDF, Foreign Ministry and Prime Minister’s Office – I guess they believed this story was worthy of sidelining such a relationship.

Haaretz did succeed in getting their story out to the world audience, headlines run along these lines:

‘Soldiers’ Accounts of Gaza Killings Raise Furor in Israel’
‘Israeli military to probe Gaza campaign allegations’
‘Israeli soldiers admit deliberately killing unarmed civilians in Gaza’

These headlines are complete with photos that are nauseatingly out of context and just make you want to sigh in despair.

But we must also ask ourselves why it took over a month for these to go public? According to the Haaretz report, the soldiers met on the 13th of February. The Haaretz report ironically did not wish to publish the names of the soldiers making these claims to protect them from public backlash, though they did not see a need to protect the other 98% of the IDF that also have a well earned reputation. They will not be spared the public backlash that will ensue in the coming few days – the vast majority of them will not even be present when this occurs on university campuses, editorials, blogs and human rights websites where they will again be unable to respond (not that anyone will listen).

These were stories after all, the soldiers did not actually carry out the events described in their debrief but that is not the point: There were tens of thousands of IDF soldiers in Gaza during the operation. That means tens of thousands of stories each with their own unique perspective on the conflict. Tens of thousands of incidents, near misses, confusions, lucky escapes and military operations.

Finally, without footage and IDF documents all that we can rely on now are these stories which shape and redefine our reality of the Gaza conflict – humans are after all storytellers. Good stories sell newspapers and make the headlines but I doubt that will be any comfort to the soldiers who fought in Cast Lead and to those who will say that once again the media has missed the boat on the morality of Israel’s conflict with Hamas - unfortunately for us it was a misguided member of the Israeli media but the world media did not (and will not) hesitate to follow suit.

The Joy of Joycing

I moved to the petite city of Tel Abiiib (Tel Aviv in Arabic) almost six months ago, and can say with a substantial amount of confidence that one of my favorite aspects of big-city life in this oh-so small city is joycing*. I bought myself a blue metalic beach cruiser that serves as not only a mode of transportation, but a therapy session. When I'm stressed from school and need to get some air, I joyce. I pedal my way from anxiety to pseudo-relaxation (the stress never really subsides until I finish my work, and no amount of joycing can alleviate that!). For the most part, my life consists of school, drinks with friends, and joycing. I love joycing more than I can begin to write in a short blog post, and I especially love my beach cruiser, though some of my Northern European friends beg to differ. 

One Finnish friend swears it looks like I'm pedaling a motorcycle when I joyce down my neighborhood street, Ben Yehuda. Joyce (the person) is a little more subtle with her critic, promising that it looks "cool" in a special kind of way. Then, of course, there is my most-trusted confidant and fellow blogger, Mie, who took one glance at my bike and exclaimed, "Wow! This is exactly the opposite of what I want in a bike! I want the super-thin, pretty one, you know?"

Owning a bike can be dangerous in Tel Aviv, because while the city is relatively safe to live in, the bicycle-thief industry is booming. Leaving your bike locked on a crowded street for over half an hour basically suggests you want someone to steal it. But owning a bike in Tel Aviv is especially risky for me because I'm apparently the worst joycer that ever joyced. Just this week I took three big spills. This is how a typical day has been playing out for me: Get up. Begin to joyce to school. Fall in some sort of embarrassing fashion. Eventually get to campus with a few minor scrapes. Limp my way through class. Joyce home. 

So you might ask: Why continue joycing? It is because you are hoping to one day be as tan (if not tanner!) than Joyce? Is it because you're too cheap to pay for real therapy? The answer is I just want to joyce. I choose to joyce! So, I guess, in conclusion, when you love something as much I do joycing, you should just go for it. Everything has a downside. There is no escape from that. But you love what you love, and chances are everything worth loving comes with a few scrapes and bruises. 

*Joycing (The one who joyces): To Joyce is the art of tanning and biking, named after my good Dutch friend Joyce, who somehow managed to get tanner as winter set in Tel Aviv. While Joycing typically applies to biking and tanning, you can Joyce while doing almost anything. For example, I joyced on the grass this morning, implies you tanned and lay on the grass, etc....

Hello, I speak English.

When co-writing (if that is a word) the previous post, the two native English speakers told me that there is no such word as gossiper in the English language. It is called a gossip, they said, and as a simple Norwegian who is learning new words in English every day, who am I to argue?

I could however not take their word for it (after all they both have serious bilingual/trilingual-issues), so I went home and secretly checked the Oxford dictionary.

Here is what i found:



Did I hear someone say snorkendorken?

Musings of distant traveller

This blog combines our vast experience in blogging Middle East culture and visiting coffee shops - some of which have roaches roaming freely through its premises, i have cynically termed these 'free range cockroaches'...

United by our love of Lost (though the Norwegian is a season behind much to our dismay) we embark on this blogging adventure.

The Norwegian may find blogging difficult so apologies in advance if the language comes out like snorkendorken - but she's a trooper who just took a personal day off life and has yet to come back.

There's a gossip in all of us - for her, gossip gets half way around the world before the truth gets its shoes on...

There's also a cynic in all of us - some more than others, so we (read: the cynic) will try to provide guides and tips for those wishing to gain an insight into Israeli society at its best and worst...

Watch this space.