Lowest price guaranteed! Pt 1.

Ah grocery shopping in Israel – who would have thought that something as simple as going to buy your groceries can be made so difficult by the simplest things.

This is a short guide to the perplexed and for those who are yet to experience the full measure of grocery shopping in Israel. In this first instalment, we will have a look at finding a parking spot and entering the store. More to come next time...

Finding a parking spot

For some reason, and this is beyond the realms of science, Israeli culture forbids anyone to park within the allotted white lines. Parking techniques vary from:

‘I just turned my wheel and stopped the car when I heard a bump’
‘There were three spots available, I went ahead and took all three because I need my space’
‘The car next to me wasn’t straight so in the interest of continuity I parked the same way’
‘It’s ok to mount the curb and park there because...well just because’
‘My driving instructor only had time to teach me how to turn into a parallel parking spot, and not how to break the wheel’
‘Hey there’s a gap between the cars, I’m just gonna go ahead and park perpendicular to both cars’ (A Tel Aviv University special)
‘Red and white on the curb means I can park, right?’
‘Blocking the fire exits is fine as long as you have a fire extinguisher in your car’
‘My van can fit there right?’

Ok so you’ve found a parking spot, good for you! Make sure that your car is far enough from the trolleys (sorry: shopping carts right?) but not SO far that you can’t be bothered getting a trolley yourself.

Make sure your trolley is suitable for quick manoeuvres in tight spaces and is fitted with the latest ABS brakes and air bags, you will need them. There’s nothing worse than a drunk trolley that always moves left or right but never straight.

Have a look out for any suspicious people who are prone to wayward trolley crime. Some prime suspects include – everyone that is holding a trolley at any particular store. Ironically, measures taken to reduce wayward trolley crime have been ineffective in this country, how does that old saying go... trolleys don’t hit cars...people hit cars?

Entering the store

It is suggested that you warm up and stretch all your muscles beforehand, parking away from the store and jogging there will do the trick – you’re not going to find a closer spot anyway so you may as well.

Passing the security guard is easy; he/she will check your bag and move you into the store.
A note here for all males with a side bag – to avoid any awkward moments when said security guard reaches under your bag to feel what’s inside, have the bag on your hip not square under your stomach, security guards invariably feel for something round without looking.

If you thought that once past the security guard you can go ahead and do your shopping you are sadly mistaken. You have one final hurdle to overcome:

‘Would you like to sign up for a Shufersal credit card?’

Yes, there is no organisation I would want handling my credit more than a supermarket...

‘Those with Shufersal credit cards enjoy great savings on sale items!’

It is at this point that you kindly tell the lady you don’t speak any Hebrew – she will leave you, for now.

Well now you have successfully entered an Israeli supermarket, you’ve managed to find a parking spot, get past security and credit sharks, well done!

Tune in next time when we will go over finding your groceries, moving between the aisles and paying for your groceries at the counter...